It’s not comfortable seeing things in ourselves we don’t like.
In fact, it’s often difficult to see that the very thing we’re often looking for as change within our world, begins within us.
My personal journey into my soul has taught me so much in how I operate within my model of the world and the choices I’ve made in my past about expectations placed on myself, my relationships, and friendships. This work I do has heightened my awareness in my thoughts, feelings and emotions as well as my behaviors.
In transparency, I’ve uncovered deep layers of not trusting others especially in friendships. Layers I’ve continued to heal. Why? Because, within each of the layers I heal, I find a nugget of trust I was missing. The trust in myself.
Turns out, the trust I was missing of my past, wasn’t the trust in others I kept expecting. It wasn’t about what they did to me or the surrounding circumstances as I had fooled myself so wholeheartedly to believe.
It was about who I was being as those things took place.
- My reactions.
- What I made meaning out of.
- What beliefs I chose to develop out of past friendships.
- Where I could ask for clarity or trust in the surrender of letting it go instead of holding on tighter.
There’s so much to learn from our awareness’s when we identify old patterns of behavior we’re ready to release. Furthermore, I believe these come up to be cleared out. We can take a deeper look into our self so we can shift responsibility and create the change we’re seeking.
These are the moments we get to decide who we want to be and how we want to show up in life.
We can ask ourselves, what changes will I needed to make to feel better within? What can I do myself without expecting someone or something else to change?
Being willing to let go of what wasn’t meant for us can open ourselves to the gifts in the lessons that are.
The more trust I build within myself, the more truth gets revealed.
Our willingness to get real with ourselves and face the things we don’t like is an important step in finding the root of the mistrust. Where did it begin?
A beautiful moment with my friend last weekend revealed a new level of awareness that came into my consciousness. No jealousy, comparison, f.o.m.o., or need to hold onto something or someone, can replace the gift of certainty and wholeness within oneself.
This beautiful friend of mine has the capacity to grow alongside me in our journey of life. We are wiling to help each other grow, celebrate good and bad times, listen to verbal processing, and open ourselves up to real, vulnerable truths and awarenesses. There are no games – only trust.
When we’re projecting out of a space of anything besides wholeness, life gets messy. It’s unclean. It stays unclean until we’re willing to do the inner work to bring ourselves back into trust and alignment with our internal values. Without it, we risk remaining out of integrity and in conflict with ourselves. Our world becomes a subconscious reflection of our relationship with self. You can fool your mind, but your body knows the difference. That programming lives within until it’s healed and released.
The trust in myself that exists now, dwells within my body on cellular level. I’m willing to let everything that doesn’t align in my life go to stay within this trust. My faith is stronger. Belief in my intuition is stronger.
I’m no longer interested in attaching myself to anything where I require permission to be me, feel the need to please to be accepted, seek external approval, or hold on too tight in effort to not feel abandoned.
I’m re-learning to surrender and let go. Let go of what no longer serves me and speak up for what I need.
We only have this moment. This very moment to spend time with people who understand us. Who accept and love us. People who see us fully for who we are; our flaws and our greatness. I’ve wasted too many years fitting myself in to a box of acceptance, never taking the time to learn who I was. Always people pleasing to avoid conflict and never paying attention to my value, what I want, how I want to show up in the world, and how to receive the love others have for me.
Well, I’m done with all of that!!
Today’s version of me is living in the fullest expression of myself. Expression that will continue to grow, pivot, change, and heal to be the most authentic version me. Real conversations with real women are possible when we are willing to be honest and real with ourselves. They’re available to each of us when we open ourselves to it.
Maybe much like me, you’re ready to up level the relationships you have in your life to meet this desire too?
We don’t have to settle for toxic people in our lives in an effort to not feel alone. We can require of ourselves nourishing and nurturing relationships, friendships, connection with those around us. Fill our world with people who inspire us to become the best versions of ourselves every day.
Life is always presenting us opportunities to learn more about ourselves.
Our soul has a need for connection and love, understanding and acceptance. Our soul doesn’t require external validation from anyone or anything outside of who we are we at our core.
When we stop running, blaming, distracting, numbing, that connection within ourselves, we find the greatest gift of strength that lives within each of us. From this place, we never have to feel alone. We trust. When we know in our body that we are centered in our core – that “I’ve got me” feeling -nothing can throw us off center.
That energetic vibration then extends from within our soul, out into our world.
Don’t be surprised of the up-leveling that begins in your life when your journey begins. Like attracts like. In the same breath, become your best observer as to what patterns keep repeating for that same reason. Where is it you may be able to shift perspective and take responsibility for your reactions and responses?
We each get to create our life by design, when we are done living life by default. That’s when the real magic begins.
So if you find yourself in a place where what you’re attracting isn’t meeting your expectations (like I was), maybe a brave look within is the place to begin?
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