MindsetNews

Not-enough-ness

Have you ever had feelings of not-enough-ness? A time when you’ve felt you weren’t enough?

I know I have!

You know the feeling: I’m not ______ enough (thin, shapely, pretty, successful, etc.). Fill in the blank.

Where do those feelings of not-enough-ness come up for you?

  • Finances
  • Family
  • Body
  • Fitness
  • Business
  • Friendships
  • Relationships

Our feelings of “enoughness” occur because of our thoughts. It happens to all of us. In fact, it’s our thoughts, conscious or unconscious that drive our feelings. Often well before we’re even aware of them.

Whether you’re consciously aware of the thoughts or they’re a product of your unconscious mind, when you are feeling things such as scarcity, lack, pressure, stress, or frustration, it’s because of what you’ve been thinking.

Negative thought patterns develop over time as do the limiting beliefs we create for ourselves. What’s a limiting belief? It’s a belief (fear) that you can’t do something or aren’t enough of something to succeed. Everyone has them!!

They become the dominant voice screaming in our minds just because we aren’t in practice of seeking positive reframe. Without awareness, those thoughts result in our creation of limiting beliefs. You may better recognize them as; self-doubt, shame, guilt, self-worth, lack of confidence, and self-esteem (non-enough-ness).

So with me, an important fact I’ve noticed when I’m in the feels of not-enough-ness; I’m feeling sorry for myself. A “poor me” syndrome, if you will.

  • Will I know enough?
  • Be good enough?
  • Right enough?

Yup, I’m human. 

It’s a BS story I’ve created for myself. The truth is, when I’m playing into these feelings, I’m either focusing on the past or worrying about some invisible, undefined goal of enough-ness in my unknown future.

It’s a drama my ego loops on replay to keep me safe and the thing is, I’m playing small.

I’m shrinking from the fear of the unknown.

In these instances, I’ve forgotten the appreciation, fulfillment, and gratitude for focusing on the present moment.

Simply put, I’ve stepped away from an appreciation for how far I’ve come in my journey and where I’m at now.

I’ll find myself looking for other’s approval or wanting to know if I’ve done something “right.”

It’s a perfectionistic tendency that stems from feelings of not being enough. Beliefs I created for myself at a young age.  Crazy right?

As an example: I loved dancing. Dance class, performances, being on stage, but somewhere along my journey, I placed my self-worth in what others thought of me.

I desperately sought approval in the same place I thought I discovered myself.

Auditions led to “Tell me how great I am by casting me in your show.” Followed by, “I can change my appearance to be whatever you need me to be.” The interpretation? Being myself was never good enough. A limiting belief I created for myself.

I thought I needed to be thinner, taller, different hair, nose shape; you name it!! The cycle began: the endless search for what would make me enough.

In later years,  “tell me what you think of me or “how I could do it better,” “it” became a fill in the blank. First, it showed up in dance, and then later in many other things in my life.

I learned to judge myself far worse than anyone else could judge me.

Until recently, I had never made the connection and a fear of being seen heard and understood developed over time.

The judgment, the fear of not knowing, not being smart enough, thin enough, pretty enough, liked enough became a  pattern that developed. Self-love was not a possibility. I had too much anger at myself as well as frustration, self-loathing, anxiety. These feelings became my routine.

Even though I developed confidence in myself, I still had an issue with self-esteem. I reached for perfection that didn’t exist. A skewed perception.

I didn’t know tools existed that could allow me to change my perception until I was in my 30’s. As I’ve done the work to change my opinion of myself, I’ve identified so many other limiting beliefs that have held me back in life.

As I’d conquer one area; family, relationships, finances, another area would present itself in friendship, business, or body image.

It was time to face all of those beliefs head-on. It was no longer about what life did to me or didn’t do for me. How someone treated me or didn’t meet my expectation.

It was about me. I no longer desired to play the victim. When I realized I was the source of my lack and pain, it was an eye-opening experience for sure! The problem began with me!!!! Ouch!

The good news, though, is that I could become the change I wanted to see in my world.

I’m currently in the trenches diving even deeper into my work. I found a coaching program to help me get there. I’m experiencing more change than I could have ever imagined and I would not have gotten here on my own.

That’s the great thing about life coaching. Someone else can hold your vision for you and see in you what you have yet to discover. We are not alone in our quest. There’s always someone else a step ahead of you to help you.

The beautiful thing is that learning is everywhere!!

When it comes to personal growth, we can always uplevel, expand, learn and grow. Like the tip of a mountaintop so high in the sky, we’re unable to reach it, there’s always more to learn.

Perspective creates the change we’re seeking. It’s a conversation, an awareness, within ourselves for an instant shift in our thoughts.

Simple huh?!

Of course not!

Why? Because most of us go through life not wanting to take a more in-depth look at why we feel the way we feel or how we think.

It’s never easy to peel back layers and get to the core of who you are. It’s not a quick process. It requires spending time tapping into the vulnerabilities, limiting beliefs, values, head talk, memories, decisions, perceptions, drivers, and identities (masks) we’ve created along the way.

It can be uncomfortable as uncovering them one by one. BUT, it’s also exciting to see past repeating patterns dissolve and the real you emerge. It’s a journey well worth the effort!

The other side of this discovery is freedom. Freedom to be our true selves with the ability to acknowledge and ascertain which thoughts are truthful and when to call BS on unproductive thinking.

What has changed for me?

  • E V E R Y T H I N G.

My self-love, self-talk, self-esteem, deserving, confidence, marriage, relationships with family and friends, happiness, career, and income.

The human brain is powerful!!  Our brain takes the external events of our lives and groups, lumps, classifies, and categorizes everything all of the time. It’s brilliant in the way it learns, processes, filters, deletes, and distorts our sensory information. All of this on an unconscious level.

We have the ability to take all of our misbeliefs and untruths and re-wire our thinking. We truly can do anything we set our minds too.

Do we have to believe the reframing thoughts of “of course we can do it” or “I am enough” right away? No! But we are what we think. Maybe you have heard a similar quote or two in your lifetime?

It’s true! The more we focus on what’s true and not create drama in our minds, the more it becomes our new truth. When we keep repeating the process and working deeper to uncover where the limiting beliefs once began, we no longer give power to the stories we create.

The more we believe, the more we are able to create lasting change!

You can do a lot more than you ever thought possible. Sometimes you just need someone to show you the way. That’s why I do what I do. I love showing people a new way of thinking to improve their lives!

I’m fascinated by the power of mindset and helping others reach goals. Because I’ve done so much work on myself and witnessed the results, I have a desire to teach others to do the same. Especially in the area of health and wellness!!

As I continue to learn, grow and expand my thoughts, beliefs, values, and drivers,  I’m still a work in progress, and that’s okay! We all are. I know I am enough, just being me!

I spend much more time reflecting and acknowledging how far I’ve come instead of tearing myself down. I’ve learned to recognize the patterns in my thinking and yes, a new version of those same patterns still show up in a new form now and again.

Life’s not perfect. I’m not perfect. There is no perfection, just observation.

It’s a much better feeling being able to reframe my thoughts and not fall victim to spending weeks on end in a loop of dread.

I’m not the same woman as I was 20 years, ten years, one year or even six months ago because I process everything differently now. I’m grateful for my successes as well as my errors because they’re all lessons

This is the power of neuro transformation.

So I encourage you when you’ve had enough of feeling not-enough-ness to take a look within and:

  • Let someone see the real you.
  • Take off your masks.
  • Commit to doing the work
  • Appreciate your efforts.
  • Be real

Lasting transformation begins with our mindset and NOW is the time to choose YOU!

Where do you want to begin to create change for yourself?

How can I help you get started?

 

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One thought on “Not-enough-ness

  1. Great post Michele – It resonated with me ALOT !! Just a reminder that I have work to do – and I am a work in progress.
    Keep up the inspiring posts – you are helping people.

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